Quotes by Bill Cosby

Bill Cosby

American actor, comedian, producer

Alive from: 1937-

Category: Comedians and humor | Movie | Media

Quotes 1 till 15 of 62.

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  A father... knows exactly what those boys at the mall have in their depraved little minds because he once owned such a depraved little mind himself. In fact, if he thinks enough about the plans that he used to have for young girls, the father not only will support his wife in keeping their daughter home but he might even run over to the mall and have a few of those boys arrested.

• Bill Cosby

  

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  A new father quickly learns that his child invariably comes to the bathroom at precisely the times when he's in there, as if he needed company. The only way for this father to be certain of bathroom privacy is to shave at the gas station.

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  A word to the wise isn't necessary, it is the stupid ones who need all the advice.

• Bill Cosby

  

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  Always end the name of your child with a vowel, so that when you yell the name will carry.

• Bill Cosby

  

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  Any man today who returns from work, sinks into a chair, and calls for his pipe is a man with an appetite for danger.

• Bill Cosby

  

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  As I have discovered by examining my past, I started out as a child. Coincidentally, so did my [younger] brother... Russel, who taught me what was meant by survival of the fittest.

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  Even though your kids will consistently do the exact opposite of what you're telling them to do, you have to keep loving them just as much.

• Bill Cosby

  

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  Every closed eye is not sleeping, and every open eye is not seeing.
  

• Bill Cosby

  

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  Fathers are the geniuses of the house because only a person as intelligent as we could fake such stupidity.

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  For two people in a marriage to live together day after day is unquestionably the one miracle the Vatican has overlooked.

• Bill Cosby

  

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  George Carlin is brilliant with words, and Johnny Winters is very creative. It's taking something common and drawing out the humor, being clever with words.

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  Gray hair is God's graffiti.
  

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  Having a child is surely the most beautifully irrational act that two people in love can commit.

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  Human beings are the only creatures that allow their children to come back home.

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  I don't know the key to success, but the key to failure is trying to please everybody.