Quotes by Bill Engvall

Bill Engvall

Bill Engvall

American comedian and actor

Alive from: 1957-

Category: Comedians and humor | Movie | Media

Quotes 1 till 15 of 33.

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  • Bill Engvall
    Bill Engvall
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    (mimicking a fish's gills wither side of his neck) Hey... (cracks) You paid to see it... hey... Ever eaten a worm? (2nd fish) What? When did you eat a worm? Oh I was on the riverbank... catching my breath... - thank you, those of you who got that...
    Source: 15 degrees Off Cool
  • Bill Engvall
    Bill Engvall
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    A lot of times you go to a concert, and when you leave, you don't know anything more about the act then when you got there.
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    Bill Engvall
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    As my wife says, I'll never fully retire, but it'll start to slow down. I'll continue to do the local gigs or go to Las Vegas. But I won't be going out to Ohio to play an Indian casino anymore. Those will probably go by the wayside.
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    Bill Engvall
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    Because we've become so ecologically minded now, they have developed a product called Rapidly Dissolving Toilet Paper. Just how rapidly are we talking? 'Cause I don't want to have to play Beat the Clock in the thicket.
    Source: Blue Collar Comedy Tour
  • Bill Engvall
    Bill Engvall
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    I just hate stupid people. They should have to wear signs that say "I'm Stupid". That way you wouldn't rely on them, and you wouldn't ask them for nothing.
    Source: His explanation for the signs. Heres Your Sign
  • Bill Engvall
    Bill Engvall
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    I thought RV stood for Recreational Vehicle. No! It stands for Ruins Vacations.
    Source: Multiple
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    Bill Engvall
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    I'd like to see the Amazon rainforests before they're all gone, and also the Galapagos - that's another one I'd like to do. I'd love to go diving in those areas. Basically, places, like, that are kind of going away, and I'd like to see them before they all become condos and high-rises.
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    Bill Engvall
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    I'm a California Angels fan because that's the first game my dad took me to see, and they stuck with me.
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    Bill Engvall
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    If you watch the 'Blue Collar Tour,' I was probably the least redneck of everybody.
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    Bill Engvall
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    If you're just a nice guy - you don't let people walk on you - but if you're just a nice guy and treat people right, good things happen.
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    Bill Engvall
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    It's funny: people who meet me say, 'I thought you'd be different.' But I'm still the same guy.
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    Bill Engvall
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    Jay Leno told me once, 'Don't do jokes about things you don't know about.'
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    Bill Engvall
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    Lady, I didn't get up this morning wanting to be a jackass...but you just pushed my jackass button.
    Source: Blue Collar Comedy Tour
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    Bill Engvall
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    Left to my own vices, all I would own is a Corvette, and it would be broken down.
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    Bill Engvall
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    My belief is that if we take away that right to bear arms, the only people that are going to have them are... the ones breaking into your house.
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