Quotes by Calvin Trillin

Calvin Trillin

American journalist, humorist, food writer and poet

Alive from: 1935-

Category: Comedians and humor | Media | Poets (Contemporary) | Writers (Contemporary)

Quotes 1 till 15 of 25.

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  The shelf life of the modern hardback writer is somewhere between the milk and the yoghurt.

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  A t American weddings, the quality of the food is in inverse proportion to the social position of the bride and groom.

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  Anybody caught selling macrame in public should be dyed a natural color and hung out to dry.

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  As far as I'm concerned, 'whom' is a word that was invented to make everyone sound like a butler.

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  Even today, well-brought-up English girls are taught by their mothers to boil all veggies for at least a month and a half, just in case one of the dinner guests turns up without his teeth.

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  If it's inappropriate to write about, if there's nothing funny about it, then it's not funny.

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  In modern America, anyone who attempts to write satirically about the events of the day finds it difficult to concoct a situation so bizarre that it may not actually come to pass while the article is still on the presses.

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  It happens to be a matter of record that I was first in print with the discovery that the tastelessness of the food offered in American clubs varies in direct proportion to the exclusiveness of the club.

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  Marriage is not merely sharing the fettuccine, but sharing the burden of finding the fettuccine restaurant in the first place.

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  Marriage is part of a sort of 50's revival package that's back in vogue along with neckties and naked ambition.

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  Money not spent on a luxury one considered even briefly is the equivalent of windfall income and should be spent accordingly.
  Source: Alices Law of Compensatory Cash Flow in Alice, Lets Eat (1978)

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  One advantage of a monarchy is that a monarchy does not suffer the effects of having great clots of white Christians moping around simply because they aren't the king or queen.

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  People, not just reporters, are more interested in politics than in government, so the actual issues wouldn't be something that interested them.

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  The average trade book has a shelf life of between milk and yogurt, except for books by any member of the Irving Wallace family - they have preservatives.

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  The ceiling on taxation of capital gains reflects the national belief that speculation is a more worthwhile way to make a living than work.