Quotes by Fran Lebowitz

Fran Lebowitz

American journalist

Alive from: 1951-

Category: Media

Quotes 1 till 15 of 27.

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  Life is something you do when you can't get to sleep.

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  All God's children are not beautiful. Most of God's children are, in fact, barely presentable.

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  Any child who cannot do long division by himself does not deserve to smoke.
  Source: Metropolitan life

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  Ask your child what he wants for dinner only if he's buying.

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  Being a woman is of special interest only to aspiring male transsexuals. To actual women it is merely a good excuse not to play football.

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  Contrary to popular opinion, the hustle is not a new dance step - it is an old business procedure.

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  Do not, on a rainy day, ask your child what he feels like doing, because I assure you that what he feels like doing, you won't feel like watching.

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  Food is an important part of a balanced diet.

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  Girls who put out are tramps. Girls who don't are ladies. This is, however, a rather archaic usage of the word. Should one of you boys happen upon a girl who doesn't put out, do not jump to the conclusion that you have found a lady. What you have probably found is a lesbian.

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  How do you know if your child is a writer? Your obstetrician holds his stethoscope to your abdomen and only hears excuses.

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  Humility is no substitute for a good personality.

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  I must take issue with the term 'a mere child,' for it has been my invariable experience that the company of a mere child is infinitely preferable to that of a mere adult.

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  If you are a dog and your owner suggests that you wear a sweater suggest that he wear a tail.

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  If you are of the opinion that the contemplation of suicide is sufficient evidence of a poetic nature, do not forget that actions speak louder than words.

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  If you're going to America, bring your own food.