Quotes by George Carlin

George Carlin

American stand-up comedian, actor and author

Alive from: 1937-2008

Category: Comedians and humor | Movie | Media | Writers (Contemporary)

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  Frisbeetarianism is the belief that when you die, your soul goes up on the roof and gets stuck.

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  As a matter of principle, I never attend the first annual anything.

• George Carlin

  

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  Have you ever noticed that anybody driving slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac?

• George Carlin

  

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  Honesty may be the best policy, but it's important to remember that apparently, by elimination, dishonesty is the second-best policy.

• George Carlin

  

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  I think it's the duty of the comedian to find out where the line is drawn and cross it deliberately.

• George Carlin

  

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  I'm completely in favor of the separation of Church and State. My idea is that these two institutions screw us up enough on their own, so both of them together is certain death.

• George Carlin

  

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  May the forces of evil become confused on the way to your house.-

• George Carlin

  

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  Some national parks have long waiting lists for camping reservations. When you have to wait a year to sleep next to a tree, something is wrong.

• George Carlin

  

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  There's no present. There's only the immediate future and the recent past.

• George Carlin

  

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  Well, if crime fighters fight crime and fire fighters fight fire, what do freedom fighters fight? They never mention that part to us, do they?