Quotes by H. Youngman

H. Youngman

H. Youngman

American comedian and violinist

Alive from: 1906-1998

Category: Comedians and humor | Media

Quotes 1 till 10 of 10.

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    If you're going to do something tonight that you'll be sorry for tomorrow morning, sleep late.
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    I once wanted to become an atheist, but I gave up - they have no holidays.
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    I take my wife everywhere I go. She always finds her way back.
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    I was so ugly when I was born; the doctor slapped my mother.
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    I've got all the money I'll ever need, if I die by four o clock.
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    If my mother knew I did this for a living, she'd kill me. She thinks I'm selling dope.
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    My son complains about headaches. I tell him all the time, when you get out of bed, it's feet first!
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    The horse I bet on was so slow, the jockey kept a diary of the trip.
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    There was a girl knocking on my hotel room door all night! Finally, I let her out.
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    You can't buy love, but you can pay heavily for it.
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