Quotes by Joan Rivers

Joan Rivers

Joan Rivers

American stand-up comedian, actress, writer and producer

Alive from: 1933-2014

Category: Comedians and humor | Movie | Media | Writers (Contemporary)

Quotes 1 till 11 of 11.

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    Before we make love my husband takes a pain killer.
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    Comediennes are the lucky ones, because if you're funny, you can be 125 years old and they will still accept you.
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    I hate housework! You make the beds, you do the dishes and six months later you have to start all over again.
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    I have become my own version of an optimist. If I can't make it through one door, I'll go through another door - or I'll make a door. Something terrific will come no matter how dark the present.
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    Joan Rivers
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    I have no methods; all I do is accept people as they are.
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    I succeeded by saying what everyone else is thinking.
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    Joan Rivers
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    I've had so much plastic surgery, when I die they will donate my body to Tupperware.
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    Joan Rivers
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    My routines come out of total unhappiness. My audiences are my group therapy.
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    Joan Rivers
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    People say that money is not the key to happiness, but I always figured if you have enough money, you can have a key made.
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    Joan Rivers
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    Thank God we're living in a country where the sky's the limit, the stores are open late and you can shop in bed thanks to television.
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    There is not one female comic who was beautiful as a little girl.
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