Quotes by Steven Wright

Steven Wright

Steven Wright

American stand-up comedian, actor, and writer

Alive from: 1955-

Category: Comedians and humor | Movie | Media | Writers (Contemporary)

Quotes 1 till 15 of 20.

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    Steven Wright
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    A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.
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    Steven Wright
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    Be nice to your children. After all, they are going to choose your nursing home.
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    Steven Wright
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    Black holes are where God divided by zero.
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    Steven Wright
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    Curiosity killed the cat, but for a while I was a suspect.
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    Steven Wright
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    I had a friend who was a clown. When he died, all his friends went to the funeral in one car.
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    Steven Wright
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    I have an existential map; it has you are here written all over it.
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    Steven Wright
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    I kept a diary right after I was born. Day 1: Tired from the move. Day 2: Everyone thinks I'm an idiot.
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    Steven Wright
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    I was trying to daydream, but my mind kept wandering.
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    Steven Wright
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    I'm going to get an MRI to find out whether I have claustrophobia.
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    Steven Wright
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    I'm writing a book. I've got the page numbers done.
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    Steven Wright
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    If a word in the dictionary were misspelled, how would we know?
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    Steven Wright
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    If you can't hear me, it's because I'm in parentheses.
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    Steven Wright
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    If you think nobody cares about you, try missing a couple of payments.
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    Steven Wright
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    Imagine if birds were tickled by feathers. You'd see a flock of birds come by, laughing hysterically!
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    Steven Wright
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    Like other kids wanted to become firemen or astronauts, I wanted to make people laugh.
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