Woody Allen

American movie director and actor

Lived from: 1935 -

Category: Movie

Quotes: Woody Allen

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  Sex alleviates tension. Love causes it.

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  More than any time in history mankind faces a crossroads. One path leads to despair and utter hopelessness, the other to total extinction. Let us pray that we have the wisdom to choose correctly.

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  A ''Bay Area Bisexual'' told me I didn't quite coincide with either of her desires.

• Woody Allen

  

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  More than any other time in history, mankind faces a crossroads. One path leads to despair and utter hopelessness. The other, to total extinction. Let us pray we have the wisdom to choose correctly.

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  I don't think my parents liked me. They put a live teddy bear in my crib.
  

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  A relationship, I think, is like a shark, you know? It has to constantly move forward or it dies. And I think what we got on our hands is a dead shark.

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  After all, there are worse things in life than death. If you've ever spent an evening with an insurance salesman, you know what I'm talking about.
  Source: Love and Death (1975)

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  As the poet said, 'Only God can make a tree' - probably because it's so hard to figure out how to get the bark on.

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  Basically my wife was immature. I'd be at home in the bath and she would come in and sink my boats.

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  Bisexuality immediately doubles your chances for a date on Saturday night.
  

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  Capital punishment would be more effective as a preventive measure if it were administered prior to the crime.

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  Comedy just pokes at problems, rarely confronts them squarely. Drama is like a plate of meat and potatoes, comedy is rather the dessert, a bit like meringue.

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  Death is a state of non-being. That which is not, does not exist. Therefore death does not exist.
  Source: My Apology

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  Death is one of the few things that can be done as easily lying down. The difference between sex and death is that with death you can do it alone and no one is going to make fun of you.

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  Don't knock masturbation - it's sex with someone I love.

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